A 10–15 minute one-on-one tool
Use one real moment, one Work Language, and one small agreement to replace guesswork with support your team member can actually feel.
Before the one-on-one · 2 minutes
During the one-on-one · 8 minutes
1 minute — name what you noticed.
“I noticed you had lots of energy during planning, then got quieter once the handoffs changed. I may be reading that wrong—what was happening for you?”
5 minutes — choose one opening question.
Stay with their answer. Use the follow-up only when it helps them get more specific.
2 minutes — make one testable agreement.
Do not promise a personality-perfect workplace. Choose one change you can both observe.
“Which part of your work lately are you proudest of—and what made it matter to you?”
Then ask: “When appreciation lands well for you, what does it sound or look like?”
“You know we appreciate you.”
“I missed naming your role in the client recovery. I’ll call out the specific contribution in Friday’s review.”
“Where does the return for your effort feel clear—and where does it feel out of balance?”
Then ask: “What fair, realistic acknowledgment would match the contribution?”
“Money isn’t everything.”
“I can’t change salary today. I can clarify the promotion criteria by Tuesday and protect Friday afternoon after this push.”
“What do you want to be better at three months from now?”
Then ask: “What stretch would feel energising without setting you up to fail?”
“Just keep doing great work and opportunities will come.”
“You’ll lead the next discovery call. We’ll rehearse Thursday, and I’ll give feedback on two skills you chose.”
“What feels uncertain or changeable enough that it is getting in the way of your work?”
Then ask: “Which expectation or decision would be most useful to make explicit?”
“Don’t worry—we’ll figure it out.”
“The deadline is fixed; the scope is not. I’ll post the three must-have outcomes today and flag any change directly.”
“Where would more room to decide help you do stronger work?”
Then ask: “What boundary or checkpoint would let us both feel confident?”
“I’m just trying to make sure it’s done right.”
“You own the approach and vendor choice within this budget. Bring me in only if the date or customer promise changes.”
“When have you felt most part of this team—and what is missing from that now?”
Then ask: “Which relationship, ritual, or shared goal would make the work feel less isolated?”
“We’re all busy; don’t take it personally.”
“I’ll pair you with Maya on the handoff and add ten minutes to Monday planning so the team can reconnect the tasks to the customer outcome.”
Mixed and competing needs
Do not choose a winner too quickly. Name both needs and design a boundary that respects each one.
Autonomy + Stability
“You want room to choose the approach, and you also want fewer surprise changes. Let’s fix the outcome and deadline, leave the method with you, and use Wednesday as our change checkpoint.”
Close the loop · 2 minutes
Say it back before the conversation ends. Copy this into your one-on-one notes:
I heard that…
We will try…
We will know it helped when…
We will revisit this on…
At the next check-in, ask: “What felt different? What still needs adjusting?” Keep, change, or stop the experiment together.
The Work Languages are prompts for curiosity, not fixed labels. Believe the person’s account over your guess about their type.
Private conversation handoff
Start with curiosity about what is happening now. This is not a diagnosis or a fixed type—for you or anyone else.
Private by default. These notes stay in this browser tab. They are not submitted, added to analytics, or sent to an external service.
